Finding Joy in the Middle of a Sh*t Sandwich
They say bad things come in threes.
It takes three crows to make a murder, three rhinos to make a crash, three wombats to make a wisdom, and three unexpected bills to make a clusterfuck. (New collective noun for three or more freelancers?)
We’ve all experienced Life Stuff™️ where everything seems to go wrong and/or be wildly expensive at the same time. For me, it was my entire vehicle breaking down this week — and I do mean entire, as if the clutch and engine had always dreamed of running away together into a sunset vignette.
As I was researching car loan options, it suddenly struck me as hilarious. My car, of roughly the same vintage as the year I graduated high school, was bought in cash, but here I was taking out a loan. A new loan for an old car.
Selling it wasn't possible without spending at least a few thousand to make it driveable, and it would most likely break down rather imminently after that.
Keeping it meant I'd have to fully fix it, at a considerable cost but less than buying a new (used) car.
Doing nothing meant I'd have zero cars and one very large, leaky, oily paperweight.
So there I sat, comparing interest rates on a loan that would almost cover purchasing a new car in order to keep driving my current one.
I laughed.
At first a snorty huff but soon, a loud and uncontrollable breath-stealer.
Damned if you do and damned if you don't, and all that. I pictured the little tophat-wearing Monopoly man driving by in his old timey Rolls Royce, shouting out the window to me: "Want to keep this expensive item you already own? Pay for it again!" His evil laugh fading into the background as he sped away...
Isn’t that always the way, though? We’re doing okay, or maybe even great, then something comes along and implodes our best laid plans. Rising inflation has many of us feeling the hit, and then along comes a sh*t sandwich situation when you least need or expect it.
It's not my first time being the peanut butter in the middle of a f*ck-this-and-jelly sandwich, so perhaps I should've expected my reaction.
But I didn't. I despaired and grumbled about the hassle and expense, sure, but when I stepped back to assess my feelings (loser!), something unexpected happened/is happening: I’m… fine. I’m good, even. Not financially, I’m super f*cked there, but I’m still happy. Ish. (Let's not get carried away.)
But why?
I wanted to know because a good feeling left unexamined is a positive experience wasted, am I right? /sarcasm
And what I came up with was: I still may not know what to do with my half-over life, or what I want, but I know what I don’t want. I don’t want to be a bitter, blameful woman who is always pissed off, whether I have a reason to be or not. I don’t want to be a dark, sour raincloud over my family. I don’t want my kids to worry about how I’m feeling. I don’t want them to even think about me at all (because they should focus on nerf guns and farts and cool kid sh*t).
Is it that easy? To simply be the opposite of what you don’t want?
No, but it can flip you into a growth mindset by default. Instantly attuned to problem solving. “If I don’t want to be (x), will (y) lead me toward or away from that goal?”
Test out all the Ys until you find your answer. It's not easy but it's simple.
The best part is the more I've consciously done this, the more it happens subconsciously. After my initial grumbling at the sticker shock of my repair bill, I started thinking of all the ways I was grateful: "This sucks, but the new engine has a 3 year warranty," "This sucks, but now it'll be good for several years," and, "This sucks, but I really like my Jeep and actually, I wouldn't even want a new car instead!"
I'm no fan of toxic positivity, but a bunch of "This sucks, but..." thoughts can help you realize that, in perspective, some things really aren't all that bad...
If you made it to here, hi it's nice to meet another neurotic in the wild. 🙃👋 And I hope this story inspires you to grow and expand your own gratitude for lessons learned while existing in the middle of a sh*t sandwich.
I believe introspection is always a good thing.
…Unless you have a deadline. 😉 Get back to writing, friend!
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I made a thing.
*Stefon voice* It's got everything:
Realistic paper texture
3 easy-on-the-eyes colors: cream, beige, and dark grey
300dpi PNG format to import perfectly into any digital notes app (GoodNotes, Notability, etc)
Aesthetic vibes
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Journal with it. Write meeting notes. Print it out on real paper and hand-bind it into an ironic physical notebook. Whatever.
Click below to get it!👇
📎 Weekly workspace
It's been a rather boring few weeks, scenery-wise, but in digital workspace news, I wrote this cloud storage review piece for Zapier that I'm really proud of.
It took buttloads of research and I had to whittle down over 5,000 words of jokes into sub-3,000. Oof.
I really appreciate my clients who let me get a lil' weird. That's what makes work fun for me, and I hope fun to read for others. 😊